Peculiar

Every month R and I make one massive trip to Sam's Club to stock up on pantry and freezer foods. We shop from our list and keep track of prices. It's fun to do it together and see how much we can save.

Back in August we marched in with our flatcar and were promptly met by a nice young man with straight, white teeth and slicked back hair. He flashed us a smile and began his spiel.

"Hello, how are you ladies today?" he smiled.
"Fine, thanks. How are you?"
"Just great!" he beamed. "Can I ask you who provides your cable service?"

To be honest, his question that hot afternoon in August actually caught me off-guard. I stammered a little, embarrassed, then shrugged, "Uh, we don't have cable. We actually have a digital converter box and a really old TV we play videos on. We don't even watch TV." 

"You have a what?" he asked, clearly confused. As I explained briefly that we have a little box that converts those newfangled digital signals so that our ancient TV can still pick up the weather reports via our antenna, his expression became more and more amazed. When I explained that we get about three channels on a clear day, his eyebrows went up a little, then knitted in the middle.  He tilted his head to one side and his mouth hung open. He was looking at me as if I were an alien that had walked right in off the parking lot. He shook himself out of his amazed stupor and I could see the wheels turning in his well-trained mind. He was thinking so hard I could almost hear it. These people don't have cable? These people don't watch TV? What on earth do they do? This wasn't in my sales training manual at all! What am I supposed to say to that?

He tried valiantly to figure out where to take this odd conversation with these peculiar people. He didn't come up with anything so he just sort of shrugged back at me and said, "Cool." You know, just like you'd say if you saw an alien. Cool.

I smiled politely and said, "Have a good day." We pushed our cart away and rounded a corner down the first aisle. R looked at me, and I looked at her, and we burst out laughing. His expression was priceless! Although I'd been a little embarrassed at the time, it really was a hilarious moment.

In September we headed back to the price club to stock up. As we walked in the door I spotted her coming toward us. This time instead of a toothy young man we were facing a pretty young lady, all business, brochures in hand. She was ready to tackle our cable problems and sell us on a new provider. I braced myself.

"Hello!" she called to us.
"Hi, how are you?" I responded.
"Just fine, thanks. Can I ask who your cable provider is?"
I smiled, squared my shoulders and met her gaze. "We don't have cable. We don't watch TV." 
She truly looked like I'd just slapped her with a wet rag. Again, this situation is obviously not in the training manuals. After a few awkward moments she regained her balance and said, "Oh, OK. Well, have a good day?" The question mark is there on purpose, because she said it like a question. The wheels were still turning, and she was full of questions about our quirky selves, but she refrained from asking them out loud.

We waited until we were several steps away before R and I dissolved into giggles.

When this month's trip to Sam's Club rolled around, I was prepared. We got our cart and marched in the doors. But there was no one running toward us to discuss our TV habits this time. I admit I was a little disappointed. You see, I'd prepared my statement beforehand and was looking forward to using it. I was going to say, "We don't watch TV. Too much filth!" But, we made it all the way through the electronics sections with nary an encounter.

Just when I let my guard down and started digging in my purse for the list, round the next corner a freshly scrubbed kid stepped out toward me. "Have you heard about the event we are having in the store today?" he asked excitedly.

I turned toward him and smiled. "No, I haven't."
He brightened, then plowed ahead. "Three lucky customers will have a chance to win a year of free service from blah-blah-blah cable service! Can I ask who provides your cable service now?"

I looked at him. He couldn't have been over twenty and he was so happy about his task today, accosting people and getting them signed up for stuff. I just didn't have the heart to smack him with my prepared "filth" statement, so I simply replied, "We don't watch TV."

He faltered, confused and shaken. He opened his mouth, then closed it. He titled his head to one side, nodded slightly, then recovered nicely with this little nugget. "Oh, is that by choice?"

Now, I'm not sure what he meant, and I'm not sure he knew what he meant, either. Are there folks out there who don't watch TV because they are under duress? Maybe. But for us? Yep, it's by choice.

I've got to give him credit; he came up with a way to continue our conversation without too long of an awkward pause. His expressions were absolutely hilarious, but he managed to smile politely and keep chatting with us weirdos while his mind raced around and around the concept that some people just don't watch TV. We ended with smiles all around, but clearly he was thinking, "I can't wait to tell everybody at break about these people!"

We'll see what next month's trip to the price club holds. It should be interesting for everyone, especially the young people peddling cable plans.